WORDS CAN HURT

"Your Father doesn't love you anymore."

"Your Mother is a liar."

"Daddy went away because you were bad"

"Your mother likes to hurt people"

"Get out of here! You're getting on my nerves!

Many times parents say such things when they are angry or frustrated and then forget about what they said. Children don't forget. You may not even realize the damage you can do to your children. Children tend to believe what their parents tell them. And what children believe about themselves and those around them is what they become. Words can hurt.

Words can do damage to your children that leave long scars. This is abuse, emotional abuse. It is the most widespread form of child abuse and the least reported and treated.

 Divorce, custody, child support, and visitation are subjects that lead many parents to abuse their children. The worst hurt is the emotional hurt inflicted upon children of divorce. These kinds of injuries don't show on the outside the way a beating will. Instead, cruel words hurt and wound children on the inside. Children have basic needs that must be met.

Many parents become caught up in the anger and bitterness of divorce and separation. They don't know how to release their pent up anger, and so they channel it onto their children.

Words and bitterness hurt some parents when they were children. They have learned to deal with others in the same way. The difficulties and frustrations in their lives affect the way they relate to their children. Some parents have serious problems with drinking or drugs. If the children " act up," the parents get angry.

Some parents direct their anger at their children. They forget how bad a child is made to feel because of what parents are saying and doing.

What can you do if you find yourself hurting your children by what you say or do?

Follow these steps:

1. Stop
2. Take time out
3. Talk to someone
4. Take a parenting or nurturing class
5. Improve your own life

Stop. Think about what you are doing. Why are you so upset? Are you really angry at your child? What are you angry about? Are you being fair to your child or yourself? How would you feel if someone said these words or did these things to you?

Take time out. When you are angry and upset, give yourself time to calm down before you respond to your child.

Talk to someone. Tell someone you trust bout the problem. Talk to a friend. Talk to your clergyman. Talk to someone in the family. Talk to another parent. Listen to what they say, they may have some good ideas about other ways to handle the problem rather then blowing up at your child.

Take a Parenting or Nurturing Class. Good parenting, teaching, and nurturing skills can be learned. Children behave and are happier when they are praised and told they are loved.

Improve your own life. Seek help for your own problems. Then you will be better able to provide the best for your children. You may need to seek counseling to help you deal with the pain, anger, bitterness, and frustration of divorce and separation, its part of a healing process that will allow you to love your children.

 Your children are precious and special. They need to feel safe, secure, and loved.

To help your children follow these simple steps. -

1. Spend time with each child
2. Praise your children
3. Teach your children how to cope with anger and frustration
4. Help children think about and solve their own problems
5. Respect your children's feelings and thoughts
6. Be a parent your children can depend on.

Spend time with each child. Make sure that your children know you love them.

Praise your children. Recognize their abilities. Praise them for their positive actions. Praise their strong points, If you see your child doing something special, tell him or her.

Teach children how to cope with anger and frustration. No one is perfect, and everyone becomes angry and frustrated sometimes. Children must learn that these feelings are normal, but must be dealt with in a positive, constructive way. Anger and frustration may also be challenges that help children grow and develop into the best they can be.

Help children think about and solve their own problems. Let your children know you are available to talk with them about their feelings and concerns.

Respect your children's feelings and thoughts. Your children are important. They deserve respect and consideration just as adults do.

Be a parent your children can depend on. This does not mean you are to be the perfect parent. It doesn't mean you'll never get angry. But it does mean that your children know you love them even when you are angry and that you too are human.

 Choose the words you use carefully. Words can help or words can hurt, Use words to let your children know you love and care for them. Help them feel important and special. Help your children to feel safe and secure.

 Courtesy of

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