Always think
first and foremost about your child's or children's present and
future, emotional, and mental well-being before taking any action.
This is very difficult because you have your own needs, feelings,
and emotions.
TRY...TRY..TRY...
Maintain your
composure and a good emotional balance as much as possible, and
when you reflect upon the happenings around you, remember it's not
the end of the world. Look to the lighter side of the situation,
smile, try to keep a sense of humor. Be aware that what your
children see in you is to some degree reflected in
them.
Allow yourself
and your children time to adjust to the changes that surround
separation and divorce. A healing process is necessary from such
an emotional operation as the dissolution of the
marriage.
Remember the
best parts of your marriage and share them with your
children.
Assure your
children that they are not to blame for the break-up, and that
they are not being rejected or abandoned. Reinforce the love and
warmth you have for your children. Do not allow them to think that
they are somehow responsible for the break-up by some misdeed or
secret of theirs.
A continuing
anger or bitterness at your former partner can cause more damage
than the actual break-up itself. The feelings you show are more
important than the words you use.
Refrain from
voicing criticism of the other parent. It is difficult but is
absolutely necessary.
Do not place
your children in the position of having to choose sides. To force
or encourage them to do so will harm them by causing frustration,
anger, fear, guilt, and resentment.
The breakdown
of the marriage is always hard on the children. They may not
always show their distress or even realize at first what this will
mean to them. Parents should be direct and simple in explaining to
the children what is happening and why, and do so in a way a child
can understand and digest. Unpleasant events need explanation,
which should be brief, prompt, direct, and honest.
The story of
your marriage dissolution may have to be retold after the child
grows older and considers the events of life more
maturely.
The mixed
feelings and emotions that parents experience concerning the
marriage breakdown may interfere with their parenting abilities.
Children need direction. Parents must be ready to discipline and
say, "NO", but at the same time draw the children close and show
them much needed understanding, love, and warmth
You are human.
You won't be a perfect parent. No one is ever the perfect parent.
When you fail in you attempts, acknowledge it and try to improve
day by day